Reality Check
I confess that until I went through a divorce and the subsequent shattering of all my Christian paradigms, I thought Jesus existed for me, not the other way around. I became a Christian in 1984 and I know now that I literally believed that if I just obeyed God faithfully enough, Jesus would take care of all my problems. Logically then, if I had problems, I just wasn’t a good enough Christian. I don’t know where or how exactly those weeds got sown into my soul, they probably stem from my comfort seeking culture, but they grew nonetheless. Imagine my dismay, nay, my trauma and shock when that all blew up the night my husband of thirteen years walked out on me and three kids. It felt a lot like being violently thrust without a parachute from an airplane at 30,000 feet. I really must have been a horrible disciple. Perhaps leading those bible studies, homeschooling my kids, sharing those potlucks, doing those outreaches, supporting my husband through every move and career change, shunning the things of the world and reading my bible everyday just weren’t good enough for such a holy and perfect God. Or maybe I just didn’t know this God of mine at all…
Thank God (and I really do), He caught me mid-fall.
I learned the hard way that life with God is not about avoiding discomfort - it’s about facing and overcoming discomfort without sinning and in order to have character to do that, one must use the discomforts of life as the training ground. That’s why James 1:2-4 says, Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. So here I had spent sixteen years of my life avoiding (by doing good works!) the very things that would create mature, loving, godly character in me. All along, the whole point of walking with God was to see His love come through my heart in my circumstances so that I could pass it on to others. It definitely was NOT about doing enough good works to shore up my own little Christian utopia on a fallen, dying, temporary planet.
When God caught me, He replaced the lie that it was all about me and my comfort to the fact that it’s all about Him and His glory. When I run to Him and follow Him through the land mines of each day, life can - for real - be good, a good I’ve never truly known before. It may be hard and wrought with discomfort, pain and tears, but His glory is worth it. Of course, I wouldn’t wish the tragedy of betrayal and divorce on anybody, but I won’t give back what I’ve gotten in the safety net of His Reality.